To my children

This morning on our car ride to day care my thoughts were wandering to the tragedy in Boston. The radio news guy announced that an eight year old child was among the 3 dead from this horrible event. My daughter , who I didn't even realize was listening says "momma if he was only eight, why did he die". Choking back tears, I said to her "I don't know baby, I don't have an answer for that". After I dropped her off inside, I cried. I cried for the mother who will never get to kiss her son goodnight again. I cried for the family, who will probably never have an answer to the "why". I cried for the people who lost legs, and arms, and hearing, and sight. I cried for the whole city, the whole country. I realize that no matter what they discover in the next few weeks, there will never be an answer to the "why" something so ugly like this could happen.

To my children,

I'm sorry. I am sorry that there are ugly people, who do hateful ugly things in this world. I am sorry that it seems like we aren't safe to walk down the street without looking over our shoulders. I am sorry that at this moment there mothers and fathers laying awake at night, worried about their babies, who are soldiers fighting for our freedom. I am sorry that the world of rainbows and butterflies that you bring home in your artwork is not the world that we live in. But, I want you to know, that the world is not all ugly. Yes, there are bad people, who will do bad things to good people without reason, but there are also lots and lots of good people left. There are firemen that run into burning houses to rescue kittens, there are police men who pick up stray dogs, and give homeless people shoes to wear. there are people who do simple things, like pay for the coffee of the person behind them, or help old ladies get things off shelves. There is beauty everywhere in this world, and I do not want you to lose your innocence by focusing on the bad things. So while you sleep at night, dreaming of transformers, and hello kitty, and slip and slides, and bubbles and rainbows, I will do the worrying. I will cry for the mothers who do not get to watch their children sleep. I will cry for the ugly things, that you do not need to know about. Until you are mommies, and daddies, and then you will do the same for your babies.
Love, your mommy

My heart aches for everyone involved in this terrible event. My heart aches for everyone going through any kind of horrible moment in their lives. I can only hope, and pray that in the light of all of the ugly, horrible stories that are being strewn across all forms of media, that the good prevails. Let us not give whoever did this the satisfaction of sitting back and watching the carnage  Let us show that despite all the ugly, there is MUCH MUCH more beauty than they could ever scar with the ugliness.

"it is only in the darkness, that we can see all the stars"

In my next 30 years

If you google "what is the life expectancy of a woman in the US you get an answer between 75-90. Recently (like, last week) I turned 35. Like most of us do I started to think about my life, what I've done, things I've accomplished, places I've been, my kids, etc. I realized that although my life hasn't been what most would consider "rewarding" that I've actually done quite a bit. For better, or worse, its been my life.

A good friend of mine has been posting her "bucket list" adventures on Facebook for a few years now, and I thought maybe "bucket list" isn't the right term to use, but I did want to start a To Do list of sorts...

So the semi-obvious ones usually are things such as sky diving, seeing the Eiffel Tower in person, scuba diving, and so on. I needed my list to be things that I wouldn't be able to find reasons not to do. I needed a "real life" list if you will. And so it started, the last week since my big day I've been jotting down (OK, texting to myself) all the things that I've come up with to add to my TO DO list. Some are fairly simplistic things like writing a letter to my daughter to give her on her wedding day, others are lifelong dreams. Thus began my journey to be what I wanted to be when I grew up. You see, many years ago my mother gave me this very simple tiny poster board that said "its never too late to be what you might have been" and every time I have gotten derailed, unwound, turned left when I needed to turn right, and ended up upside down in my life, that tiny cardboard saying has played over in my mind. Lord knows that I've taken A LOT of side paths to get to this life I have now, but always I've ended up facing the same road I wanted to travel oh so many years ago.

So, here goes, well, just about everything. On July 1, 2013, I, Kristal Dawn Slayton will be starting nursing school. It has been a long hard road, and the two years in front of me seem pretty daunting. I'm probably going to be a raging, tired, crazy bitch several times, but in the end I will be proud of myself, and I will be someone that my kids can be proud of. You see, the biggest To Do of them all, is to make my kids proud of me, and happy to say that I am their mommy. 

"The journey of a thousand miles, begins with one, single, step"