I'm a bit of a control freak. OK? There I said it, I don't like not having a plan, or not having control of things. I think this is the main reason I never did drugs, hell, I really don't even like being drunk because I'm not totally in control. I really don't know when this started, could be when my parents divorced, or could be from the car accident, not sure really. What I do know is that I don't like when things don't go as planned. Lately I've been super stressed out about just about everything. The reality of starting school soon, coupled with the fact that the Hubs is possibly going to be working out of town a lot is starting to wear on me. Most of my life exists around controlled chaos at most times, but recently I read a blog about a 30 day "Organize your life" challenge. It was a cleaning / organizing / scheduling / budgeting masterpiece, and I loved it. The more I read the more I thought I could really benefit from some organization and scheduling, especially considering that things are going to get more hectic.
This weekend I'm going to catch up on a weeks worth since I've already missed 6 days. Lemons has great ideas for organizing, so I'm going to borrow some from her, but mostly I'm going to make my own schedule of sorts.
So this weekends list is:
1. Clean and purge our closet
2. Create reasonable budget and learn to STICK TO IT
3. Clean out and organize laundry room
4. Clean off desk
5. Organize paperwork
6. Create study space
7. Clean out and organize shed
That actually sounds not that bad when you look at it, but the details are a pretty big job. Here goes nothin!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Mommy, do you know what tomorrow is?
First thing out of my precious angels mouth this morning. "Mommy, do you know what tomorrow is?" I sat on her bed for a second, and I said.. "hmm.. tomorrow... its, Thursday?" Lil rolled her eyes "MOOOOOMMM"
Of course I know what tomorrow is, we've been counting down the days since May 1st. Tomorrow is my baby girl's sixth birthday. To her, it means cake, presents and being told Happy Birthday by everyone she sees. To me, its bittersweet. To me it means one year closer to her independence, one year closer to high school, to prom, to driving, dating, college. To her momma its one year closer to my baby, not being my baby anymore.
Six years ago today I sat in my OB's office in terrible pain, begging him to induce me. A decision I would feel guilty about every day after. On May 16, 2007 I went to the hospital for what I figured would be a routine delivery just like the other two, but I was wrong. Things didn't go as planned and Lil was born blue, purple really, and not breathing. My heart stopped, for 2 whole minutes I'm sure of it. My mom tried to tell me everything was ok, but I knew. I knew my baby wasn't right, she couldn't breathe and it was my fault. I forced her to come a week early and she wasn't ready, it was my fault for taking pain medicine, it was my fault for not being on bed rest like I was supposed to have been, my baby couldn't breathe and it was my fault. The NICU team rushed her out of the room, I got to kiss her and look at her for about 30 seconds, then the panic set in. I didnt know if she was ok, I didnt know if she was going to be ok, I didn't know if I was going to be ok. They took me up to a regular post delivery room, only it wasn't. I was on the end of the wing, where they put mothers who have lost their babies so they don't hear the other babies crying. I lost it, I screamed at a nurse that I wanted to see my baby, everything from this point on is a bit of a blur. I had to go downstairs through a tunnel to get to the CHOC NICU to see her. She was tiny, but not like sick baby preemie tiny, just tiny in the sense that my boys had been 8lbs and 9lbs and she was barely 6lbs. She had a CPAP on her face, and a tube in her nose, and an IV in her belly button. I looked at the nurse and I said "I dont even know what she looks like, is she cute under all that?" I know it was silly but it was all I could think of, I didn't know what my baby looked like!
The next 28 days were up and down. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, I went to the hospital every 4 hours to try to get her to eat, it was mentally and physically exhausting. We finally brought her home and I slept every day for 3 months with her on my chest, I refused to put her down. Can you blame me?
Even as I'm recalling all of this, it still seems like it was barely a year ago, yet here she is, 6. Her school pictures show a beautiful little girl, with no trace of baby left on her face. I hate it. But I love it all at the same time. Shes beautiful, smart, funny, sweet and our lives are all rainbows and glitter when shes around. So yes baby girl, I know what tomorrow is. Tomorrow is the day that you changed every one's life forever. Happy Birthday my sweet sweet princess. Mommy loves you SO MUCH.
Of course I know what tomorrow is, we've been counting down the days since May 1st. Tomorrow is my baby girl's sixth birthday. To her, it means cake, presents and being told Happy Birthday by everyone she sees. To me, its bittersweet. To me it means one year closer to her independence, one year closer to high school, to prom, to driving, dating, college. To her momma its one year closer to my baby, not being my baby anymore.
Six years ago today I sat in my OB's office in terrible pain, begging him to induce me. A decision I would feel guilty about every day after. On May 16, 2007 I went to the hospital for what I figured would be a routine delivery just like the other two, but I was wrong. Things didn't go as planned and Lil was born blue, purple really, and not breathing. My heart stopped, for 2 whole minutes I'm sure of it. My mom tried to tell me everything was ok, but I knew. I knew my baby wasn't right, she couldn't breathe and it was my fault. I forced her to come a week early and she wasn't ready, it was my fault for taking pain medicine, it was my fault for not being on bed rest like I was supposed to have been, my baby couldn't breathe and it was my fault. The NICU team rushed her out of the room, I got to kiss her and look at her for about 30 seconds, then the panic set in. I didnt know if she was ok, I didnt know if she was going to be ok, I didn't know if I was going to be ok. They took me up to a regular post delivery room, only it wasn't. I was on the end of the wing, where they put mothers who have lost their babies so they don't hear the other babies crying. I lost it, I screamed at a nurse that I wanted to see my baby, everything from this point on is a bit of a blur. I had to go downstairs through a tunnel to get to the CHOC NICU to see her. She was tiny, but not like sick baby preemie tiny, just tiny in the sense that my boys had been 8lbs and 9lbs and she was barely 6lbs. She had a CPAP on her face, and a tube in her nose, and an IV in her belly button. I looked at the nurse and I said "I dont even know what she looks like, is she cute under all that?" I know it was silly but it was all I could think of, I didn't know what my baby looked like!
The next 28 days were up and down. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, I went to the hospital every 4 hours to try to get her to eat, it was mentally and physically exhausting. We finally brought her home and I slept every day for 3 months with her on my chest, I refused to put her down. Can you blame me?
Even as I'm recalling all of this, it still seems like it was barely a year ago, yet here she is, 6. Her school pictures show a beautiful little girl, with no trace of baby left on her face. I hate it. But I love it all at the same time. Shes beautiful, smart, funny, sweet and our lives are all rainbows and glitter when shes around. So yes baby girl, I know what tomorrow is. Tomorrow is the day that you changed every one's life forever. Happy Birthday my sweet sweet princess. Mommy loves you SO MUCH.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
To my children
This morning on our car ride to day care my thoughts were wandering to the tragedy in Boston. The radio news guy announced that an eight year old child was among the 3 dead from this horrible event. My daughter , who I didn't even realize was listening says "momma if he was only eight, why did he die". Choking back tears, I said to her "I don't know baby, I don't have an answer for that". After I dropped her off inside, I cried. I cried for the mother who will never get to kiss her son goodnight again. I cried for the family, who will probably never have an answer to the "why". I cried for the people who lost legs, and arms, and hearing, and sight. I cried for the whole city, the whole country. I realize that no matter what they discover in the next few weeks, there will never be an answer to the "why" something so ugly like this could happen.
To my children,
I'm sorry. I am sorry that there are ugly people, who do hateful ugly things in this world. I am sorry that it seems like we aren't safe to walk down the street without looking over our shoulders. I am sorry that at this moment there mothers and fathers laying awake at night, worried about their babies, who are soldiers fighting for our freedom. I am sorry that the world of rainbows and butterflies that you bring home in your artwork is not the world that we live in. But, I want you to know, that the world is not all ugly. Yes, there are bad people, who will do bad things to good people without reason, but there are also lots and lots of good people left. There are firemen that run into burning houses to rescue kittens, there are police men who pick up stray dogs, and give homeless people shoes to wear. there are people who do simple things, like pay for the coffee of the person behind them, or help old ladies get things off shelves. There is beauty everywhere in this world, and I do not want you to lose your innocence by focusing on the bad things. So while you sleep at night, dreaming of transformers, and hello kitty, and slip and slides, and bubbles and rainbows, I will do the worrying. I will cry for the mothers who do not get to watch their children sleep. I will cry for the ugly things, that you do not need to know about. Until you are mommies, and daddies, and then you will do the same for your babies.
Love, your mommy
My heart aches for everyone involved in this terrible event. My heart aches for everyone going through any kind of horrible moment in their lives. I can only hope, and pray that in the light of all of the ugly, horrible stories that are being strewn across all forms of media, that the good prevails. Let us not give whoever did this the satisfaction of sitting back and watching the carnage Let us show that despite all the ugly, there is MUCH MUCH more beauty than they could ever scar with the ugliness.
"it is only in the darkness, that we can see all the stars"
To my children,
I'm sorry. I am sorry that there are ugly people, who do hateful ugly things in this world. I am sorry that it seems like we aren't safe to walk down the street without looking over our shoulders. I am sorry that at this moment there mothers and fathers laying awake at night, worried about their babies, who are soldiers fighting for our freedom. I am sorry that the world of rainbows and butterflies that you bring home in your artwork is not the world that we live in. But, I want you to know, that the world is not all ugly. Yes, there are bad people, who will do bad things to good people without reason, but there are also lots and lots of good people left. There are firemen that run into burning houses to rescue kittens, there are police men who pick up stray dogs, and give homeless people shoes to wear. there are people who do simple things, like pay for the coffee of the person behind them, or help old ladies get things off shelves. There is beauty everywhere in this world, and I do not want you to lose your innocence by focusing on the bad things. So while you sleep at night, dreaming of transformers, and hello kitty, and slip and slides, and bubbles and rainbows, I will do the worrying. I will cry for the mothers who do not get to watch their children sleep. I will cry for the ugly things, that you do not need to know about. Until you are mommies, and daddies, and then you will do the same for your babies.
Love, your mommy
My heart aches for everyone involved in this terrible event. My heart aches for everyone going through any kind of horrible moment in their lives. I can only hope, and pray that in the light of all of the ugly, horrible stories that are being strewn across all forms of media, that the good prevails. Let us not give whoever did this the satisfaction of sitting back and watching the carnage Let us show that despite all the ugly, there is MUCH MUCH more beauty than they could ever scar with the ugliness.
"it is only in the darkness, that we can see all the stars"
Thursday, April 11, 2013
In my next 30 years
If you google "what is the life expectancy of a woman in the US you get an answer between 75-90. Recently (like, last week) I turned 35. Like most of us do I started to think about my life, what I've done, things I've accomplished, places I've been, my kids, etc. I realized that although my life hasn't been what most would consider "rewarding" that I've actually done quite a bit. For better, or worse, its been my life.
A good friend of mine has been posting her "bucket list" adventures on Facebook for a few years now, and I thought maybe "bucket list" isn't the right term to use, but I did want to start a To Do list of sorts...
So the semi-obvious ones usually are things such as sky diving, seeing the Eiffel Tower in person, scuba diving, and so on. I needed my list to be things that I wouldn't be able to find reasons not to do. I needed a "real life" list if you will. And so it started, the last week since my big day I've been jotting down (OK, texting to myself) all the things that I've come up with to add to my TO DO list. Some are fairly simplistic things like writing a letter to my daughter to give her on her wedding day, others are lifelong dreams. Thus began my journey to be what I wanted to be when I grew up. You see, many years ago my mother gave me this very simple tiny poster board that said "its never too late to be what you might have been" and every time I have gotten derailed, unwound, turned left when I needed to turn right, and ended up upside down in my life, that tiny cardboard saying has played over in my mind. Lord knows that I've taken A LOT of side paths to get to this life I have now, but always I've ended up facing the same road I wanted to travel oh so many years ago.
A good friend of mine has been posting her "bucket list" adventures on Facebook for a few years now, and I thought maybe "bucket list" isn't the right term to use, but I did want to start a To Do list of sorts...
So the semi-obvious ones usually are things such as sky diving, seeing the Eiffel Tower in person, scuba diving, and so on. I needed my list to be things that I wouldn't be able to find reasons not to do. I needed a "real life" list if you will. And so it started, the last week since my big day I've been jotting down (OK, texting to myself) all the things that I've come up with to add to my TO DO list. Some are fairly simplistic things like writing a letter to my daughter to give her on her wedding day, others are lifelong dreams. Thus began my journey to be what I wanted to be when I grew up. You see, many years ago my mother gave me this very simple tiny poster board that said "its never too late to be what you might have been" and every time I have gotten derailed, unwound, turned left when I needed to turn right, and ended up upside down in my life, that tiny cardboard saying has played over in my mind. Lord knows that I've taken A LOT of side paths to get to this life I have now, but always I've ended up facing the same road I wanted to travel oh so many years ago.
So, here goes, well, just about everything. On July 1, 2013, I, Kristal Dawn Slayton will be starting nursing school. It has been a long hard road, and the two years in front of me seem pretty daunting. I'm probably going to be a raging, tired, crazy bitch several times, but in the end I will be proud of myself, and I will be someone that my kids can be proud of. You see, the biggest To Do of them all, is to make my kids proud of me, and happy to say that I am their mommy.
"The journey of a thousand miles, begins with one, single, step"
Monday, March 18, 2013
Legacy
These women are all in their 60’s and 70’s:
And so are these:
Ernestine Shepherd 76 year old body builder
Which legacy would you like to leave?
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Ode to skinny jeans
Usually the term "skinny" anything would send a fat girl like me running the other way, but alas, when you go shopping for new jeans now days your options are limited to boot cut, skinny, super skinny, or don't try to sit down or breathe skinny. Being that my ten year old son had been begging me for skinny jeans because "all of his friends had them" (side note, THIS is starting already? god help me) I figured I better jump on the wagon. Old Navy (bless them) was having a jean sale, so I figured why not. Once again the fat girl in me refused to go into the dressing room, so I just grabbed a size off the rack, and proceeded to checkout.
Upon getting home, everyone tried on their new jeans, sadly my skinny boy was too skinny for skinny jeans, they sorta just look like regular jeans on his twig legs. Miss Lily Monroe looked SUPER adorable in hers, admittedly I was kinda jealous. So it was finally my turn... turns out, the size I grabbed was too big! WHAAAAATTT? That kinda crap doesn't happen to fat girls! Needless to say I went to return them and made sure to tell the employee that they were too BIG. Then, I proceeded to buy several pairs in the smaller size, in 3 different colors.
Not bad for a "fat girl" huh? - I realize its blurry, and I should wash my mirror.. but you get the point. GOOD BYE 'PLUS SIZE'!!
Upon getting home, everyone tried on their new jeans, sadly my skinny boy was too skinny for skinny jeans, they sorta just look like regular jeans on his twig legs. Miss Lily Monroe looked SUPER adorable in hers, admittedly I was kinda jealous. So it was finally my turn... turns out, the size I grabbed was too big! WHAAAAATTT? That kinda crap doesn't happen to fat girls! Needless to say I went to return them and made sure to tell the employee that they were too BIG. Then, I proceeded to buy several pairs in the smaller size, in 3 different colors.
Not bad for a "fat girl" huh? - I realize its blurry, and I should wash my mirror.. but you get the point. GOOD BYE 'PLUS SIZE'!!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Commencing Phase 2
In the Herbalife circle you hear a lot about "Level Ten" results, what they look like to you, how you plan to achieve them, etc. Phase one for me was just taking the leap to trust myself enough to follow the Herbalife program, which has gotten me tons. Energy, 30 lbs gone, no headaches, etc etc etc. There comes a point when you have to move on, to the next phase.
Today I did two things that the Me from 8 months ago never would have thought of doing. First, I joined a gym. Yup. Sure did. This step wasn't quite as big because I have belonged to a gym before, but I made a commitment to myself that I would make it there daily, or at least 5 days a week, starting today, NO EXCUSES.
The second one though, was huge to me. I signed up for the Color Run. Now, this is not a long marathon, and its not a super serious one, but I've never done any kind of running. Never. I was too fat, knees hurt, and many more excuses that came up. So this, was huge for me. Not to mention that I joined as part of a team, so now I have more than just myself that will be let down if I quit.
Dear 2013, You will be the best year of my life. I have lots of plans for us, so get in, sit down, hold on and shut up, cause its going to get crazy!
Today I did two things that the Me from 8 months ago never would have thought of doing. First, I joined a gym. Yup. Sure did. This step wasn't quite as big because I have belonged to a gym before, but I made a commitment to myself that I would make it there daily, or at least 5 days a week, starting today, NO EXCUSES.
The second one though, was huge to me. I signed up for the Color Run. Now, this is not a long marathon, and its not a super serious one, but I've never done any kind of running. Never. I was too fat, knees hurt, and many more excuses that came up. So this, was huge for me. Not to mention that I joined as part of a team, so now I have more than just myself that will be let down if I quit.
Dear 2013, You will be the best year of my life. I have lots of plans for us, so get in, sit down, hold on and shut up, cause its going to get crazy!
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CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU JUST JOINED THE COLOR RUN MANIA:)
Order ID: C-0JD9FR9N
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Event: THE COLOR RUN ORANGE COUNTY - 12:30 PM
Participant: kris slayton
Team: Karma chameleons
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